Enticing Dracula For Dummies
by Virtuous Vampire
Summary: Who says Dracula should have complete control? Just follow these 5 steps and have the Master of Seduction eating out of the palm of your hand. Enjoy!R&R!


Enticing Dracula For Dummies

**An important note to the reader; You wanna have sex with Dracula? Then go and let the conniving Count seduce you. Go on, get! However, if you want to drive the Master of Seduction mad with longing, lust and confusion read on. Who says**_** he**_** has to be in control? By following these 5 simple steps, you'll have the Vampire King crawling on your doorstep, **_**begging **_**you to put him out of his misery. Hehehe, and just like that the seducer will become the seducee……..**

**1. The Method; **Using a knife, cut a shallow wound on your neck(avoiding the main arteries, obviously. Dracula can't be seduced by a corpse. Well, not a motionless corpse. His brides tend to walk and fly and whatnot). When a tiny trail begins to trickle down your throat, do as follows; Caress your elegant swan-like neck and moan loudly. If this fails to catch the big bat's attention, moan again adding a slight sexual undertone. His eyes now glued to you, glance down at the crimson stream of blood and say(a husky whisper is preferable but not essential for good results); "Oh, is that _blood_ on my throat? How awful, let me just wipe that away. Oh dear, I can't seem to find my handkerchief. I am in a pickle. If only _someone_ could lick me clean."

**The Result; **A sexually aroused and lusty vampire ready to play.

2. **The Method; **Alrighty. After that little escapade with the knife, Dracula's gonna want a little more than a taste of your neck, if you catch my drift. For this particular step, I advice you wear trousers, because honey, let's face it, we _all_ know how persuasive the Count can be when he has unchartered territory to discover. Namely, when one is wearing a skirt/dress. Distance yourself from the man. Whenever he feels like talking or _more than that _simply look at your watch and say "Oh, is that the time? My apologies Count, but I must leave you and do something productive with my time." If he starts to pull you back, kick him wear it counts. Not too hard mind, an impotent vampire is no good to anyone.

**The Result; **A very confused and possibly bent- over- in- pain Count.

3. **The Method; **Now that the seeds of confusion have been sown, it's time to make the guy jealous. To provoke such a reaction, you must kiss every other main character in the movie 'Van Helsing'. Excluding the brides and Anna of course as he would probably enjoy that, and the Count's satisfaction is not what these steps are about. You may enjoy kissing Van Helsing and Velkan, because to use a colloquialism "they is hot, hot man candy." You may not be over-enthusiastic about Carl and you may shudder and scream in horror about Frankenstein's Monster and Igor, but in order to drive the Count crazy, drastic measures must be taken. It is for the greater good.

**The Result; **A deeply insecure Dracula who is forced to question his desirability. Why would a woman rather kiss two mutated freaks than him? See, I told you it would be worth it!

4.** The Method; **At this point, Dracula is going to be feeling insecure, vulnerable and will be suffering from low self-esteem. And how will he cope with these foreign emotions? Yes, he will try to bully you into admitting that you are attracted to him. Do not yield, brave one. Follow my instructions and everything will be hunky dory. When he corners you and growls, bearing those long, scary incisors, look him right in the eye and laugh. When he questions your reaction say "Dracula, you're lame. There are far better vampires out there who are sexier and scarier than you." If he requests an example of one of these superior vamps, use one of the following Lestat/Edward Cullen/Spike/Angel/Bill Compton/Eric Northman. When Dracula starts to go into denial, escape from his grasp and skedaddle.

**The Result;** A worn down, depressed Dracula who without your love, respect or fear collapses into a sobbing heap.

5. **The Method; **While Dracula is crying self-pityingly and clinging to his brides for reassurance, make your entrance dressed to kill. Or seduce. When he glances upwards and sees you in little more than a partially see-through dress, his jaw will drop to the ground. He will proceed to throw his whores oops I mean brides out the window. He will be too insecure to make the first move, so very slowly without breaking eye-contact, traipse forward confidently and kiss him passionately. When the kiss is broken and he asks why all the mind games, answer "Don't flatter yourself Count, you're not worthy of mind games. My boyfriend is gone for the night and I wanted someone to satisfy me. It was either you or a dwerger. You're my plaything, understand?" When he nods fervently, your job is done.

**The Result; **A very willing sex toy, a satisfied woman and a whole lot of broken furniture destroyed from some good lovin'.

Don't be afraid to take the initiative and put these steps in motion. I cannot perform these steps for you. Only the wisest and most determined will manage to complete the five steps but ladies, I promise you, it's worth it.

**Author's Note; Hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Review please!**

**Brat Princess.=)**


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